Motherhood is hard and finding yourself in motherhood is like finding a needle in a haystack. The guilt that comes with it, is a common feeling amongst mothers, particularly in today’s society, where social media and societal pressures depict motherhood as a perfect and effortless experience. Mom’s guilt can be triggered by several factors, including balancing work-life along with motherhood, feeling lack of control over certain situations, facing judgment and comparison from others and not being able to achieve the desired level of “perfection” in parenting. Here I am spilling the tea of motherhood.
During the day, I often find myself yelling and snapping to my kids. Yet when the night comes and everything’s quiet, I feel like I am the worst mother ever. I wouldn’t want ANYONE to snap on my kids, but guess what, I am the one who always does it. Watching the kids sleep makes me teared up, make a vow to myself that I won’t be scolding them again tomorrow. But yeah, you know the drill, it goes on and on and on, every damn day.
I talked about this to my therapist and he said that it is inevitable, BECAUSE WE ARE MOTHERS. Mothers are the peace keeper, the wheels in the family, the babysitter, the cook, the housekeeper, the EVERYTHING. It is COMPLETELY normal to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated. Most of all, mothers are humans, aren’t we?
After a while, I come up to conclusion that might help you getting through this rough patch:
- You can’t make them happy. You can only make YOURSELF happy. You know that happiness radiates right? Now the only thing you can do is to be a HAPPY MOTHER for your kids. Kids don’t need a perfect mom, they need a happy mom
- Kids won’t always understand what you’re asking them to do. “Why do I have to sleep early during school days?” “Why can’t I eat more marshmallows?” “Why do I have to say please and thank you?”
There are and will be many things that explanations won’t do any good. Authority and house rules play a big role here. Soon when they get older, they will understand why you do what you do.
- Sometimes, we constantly ask them to do this and that, unintentionally. But do remember that they are also trying their best to do the “job”. Whatever happens, just remember how much harder it’s for them to try their best doing the chores.
- Don’t take things personally. I often do this. Sometimes the kids don’t want to touch their food or complaining why the bathwater is too hot. Then my mind would go overboard “why does everything I do is wrong?”
Now, now… let’s take a deep breathe Mama. They are just little people, they have zero filter to saying whatever what’s on their minds. But just because they complain about tiny tad thing, it doesn’t mean that you are the issue.
We all know that motherhood is the hardest job. You have to be tough, and you have to be loved. You need to be appreciated, but you also have to be the best version of yourself for your child. I feel you, Mama.
Motherhood is full ups and downs. Sometimes you’re so busy you don’t even realize it, but then you look back at all those things you did, and you wonder “wow, that’s me who did it, I AM THAT POWERFUL”.
So how do you make sense of the crazy rollercoaster of motherhood?
Here are some tips for navigating life as a mom:
- Be kind to yourself : replace negative self-talk with positive affirmation and self-compassion. Remind yourself that every mother make mistakes.
- Be aware of your surroundings. When you’re busy, it’s easy to lose track if what’s happening around you–but if you want to stay grounded, pay attention! You’ll be able to better assess any potential problems that might do. Inhale, exhale. Motherhood is a journey, and every stage comes with its sets ups and downs. Learn to let go of trying to be perfect and create instead loving memories with your children
- Set boundaries with your kids. If they’re being disobedient or destructive, try not to take it personally–they just need some time alone with their own thoughts. They’ll come around eventually
- Take time for yourself! Even if it’s just a few minutes a day (or an hour each week), try setting aside some time for yourself where no one else is around. You deserve some quality time in which your mind can wander without distraction from others. Psst, I always have ladies’ night every once a week after the kids asleep–having a glass of wine in a bar with my closest fellow moms.
In a nutshell, mom’s guilt is understandable and prevalent feeling among mothers. you do GREAT, Mama! No one does this better than you. You deserve a pat on the back… and a glass of wine. As mothers take care of themselves, they become examples of healthy self-care, positivity and ultimately improving resilience for their children.